folkinz:

“No, Diane. I can’t make lunch this afternoon I am totally swamped.”

“I know! She is such a bitch. Did you see what she wore to her eval?”

“Get out! Oh my God. I am googling that right now.”

“Diane, you are so dirty.”

“I brought bagels to work this morning and only one person came over to thank me for bringing them in.  See if I bring them in again.”

“It’s so cold in here.”

“You know Jennifer got a promotion when she doesn’t even deserve it.  I do almost all her work for her and what do I get?”

“See! I told you she smells like Crisco!”

“Shut the fuck up.  No. Shut up!”

“Shut up!”

“Can you believe how hot is in here?”

“I hope people appreciated my 366 days of cats calendar I put up in the break room.”

“I spent my own money on that.”

“Can you believe they want me to work until 5:30 and not get paid overtime?”

“You have? Did you smell it first?”

“I stole Diane’s lunch from the break room fridge the other day and I’m not sorry. I forgot my wallet so I needed something.”

“Shut. The. Fuck. Up.”

“Do you want to get some lunch? I’m starving.”

Scenes from My Office.